hiatus

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything sexy…

Sexuality is complicated. When I started this site, I thought it would be easy for me to produce constant content. At the time I was dating a woman, we had recently gone long distance, and I was writing a lot in order to explore a secret solo fantasy life as a way of making up for the lack of intimacy (and because I was repressing some of my needs). Not everyone is like this, but for me, fantasizing is very important. I need to be able to fantasize about every filthy thing that comes into my head without my partner feeling that it’s infidelity, or the precursors thereof. It’s no wonder our relationship got more and more distant and more and more fucked up, and that we eventually broke up.

I then started dating a man, and our fantasy life is shared, and something that we both treasure. Whatever kink one has, the other one very quickly starts to go for it as well. That has made it less necessary for me to explore my ‘fucked-up’ fantasies secretly online. And so my desire to write went away.

I just finished an advanced degree (in music) and I am struggling to understand what to do with myself, and suddenly writing has become appealing again.

I might begin work on a long erotica project. It strikes me that I have a unique ability to tap into almost any fantasy, and that I should use that ability for good. It’s a bit like representation in a way. Fantasies are one hidden way in which people can feel alone or marginalized. I’m lucky to have found a partner who not only tolerates my most shameful fantasies, but even eggs them on, furthers them, shares with me new and different ways of thinking about them. Together we can explore kinky ideas, and feel completely safe. The benefit of fiction is safety as well. Anything can be explored through reading without any chance of harm.

But I think before I embark on any such project, I’ll want to read some erotica… so I know I don’t have a ton of followers here, but if anyone reads this and wants to comment with long form erotica that they love, please please do!

I have been an avid video porn consumer, but not as much of an erotica reader, or certainly not a long form erotica reader.

The erotica I’ve liked best is usually not long form, but episodic– a series of short stories, encounters. Sometimes these are related and autobiographical as in the case of two of my favorite sex blogs, Leah Lays London, and A Dissolute Life Means…

Others are completely unrelated short stories, as in the case of the book Macho Sluts, which I was lucky enough to buy when it was still a reasonable price.

The only long form erotica I have read that I felt was jaw-droppingly, unbelievably hot, was the book The Story of O, which I found tucked away in a corner of The Strand Bookstore!! I can’t wait to read another book by the same author, The Image, which I also found in The Strand! (Couldn’t find it on Amazon, sorry there’s no link.)

In the meantime, while I’m reading and studying up, hopefully I’ll be able to write some essays, vignettes, and reviews, so as to get this site active again!

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a long hiatus

I haven’t been feeling like sharing thoughts of a sexual nature lately… Some recent experiences in my personal life had me feeling my sensuality¬†to be a burden. But maybe sometime soon I’ll start writing here again.